I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
