i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
