I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
