Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
