My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
