bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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