never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
