I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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