a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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