So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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