So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
not ubering you a puppy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
