uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
