It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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