Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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