Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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