I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
