my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
