we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
