if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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