If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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