Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
