So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
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She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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