I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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