Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
