I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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