i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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