you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
