Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
