i just google imaged poop.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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