I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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