last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
