About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize