I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
