How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
