The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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