I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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