dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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