I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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