I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You left your phone here
Wait...
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