In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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