Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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