better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
