If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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