If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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