For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
