I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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