Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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