My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
