think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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