I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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