just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
