I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
