No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
