U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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