I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
