There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
