seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize