she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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