No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
