This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
