all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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