Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
