i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
