I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
